I wanted to make sure they had the best Christmas possible, I really ploughed myself into them having the perfect Christmas, as I knew I would find this year so difficucult without Dad, as so would they. It was a real shock to see the Christmas gift tags and cards without his name on, for the first Christmas in my life. This was really hard to swallow, as was seeing my mom without him sat next to her eating Christmas dinner.
The boys however really got me me through. The magic of Christmas was certainly brought via them, especially as Freddie was so into Father Christmas coming to the house, it was so easy to get drawn in too! It took me right back to being little and feeling that overwhelming excitement on Christmas Eve. He didn’t even wake st 3am to go down stairs and see, he waited for us to come and get him like a little angel.
New year is just around the corner, and whilst I won’t be doing the “new year new me” in the traditional sense, I will be trying to shake off and manage my grief more. It can be so consuming and I really can’t stand how it makes me feel. I’ve been at rock bottom and so I can only ever feel better and this is something I’m trying to focus on.
Hope you had a wonderful Christmas 🙂